Mania was my super power. This is my normal, and I realized I’m not able to do as much like this. I feel mediocre. I told this to Ryan and he said , “Go ahead, stop taking your meds” and it made me realize the cons of stopping my bipolar medication, outweighs the pros I mean, I can still create content, not just as fast, as efficient, or better than when I was manic.
Back when I wasnt taking my medication, nor was I aware I was bipolar, I was able to create 8 blog posts on a good day, including 1 vlog and other short form videos. On a “bad” day I can create 4.
Now? It’s a miracle if I can churn out something in a week. A month even.
It’s not the lack of inspiration. It’s not even the lack of time. I have plenty of time, way more than before.
I lack the enthusiasm.
Is this my new normal?
When I was manic, I had delusions of grandeur that I wanted to be the biggest internet superstars. I did. But fame always comes with a price – lack of privacy.
The need to create and post a content as often as you can to stay relevant.
I find it exhausting.
10 years ago, I probably still would.
But right now? I just want to enjoy a slow, stable, peaceful life.
I like being medicated.
I’m thankful to be able to close my eyes and fall to sleep, without my mind not wanting to shut down with one thought to the next.
But here’s what, I still like to share my thoughts to the world. No matter how small or big my audience is. I want to share something authentic, a thing that I noticed to lack in this day and age.
I may not have the same vivacity as I had, but there’s something special with being, normal. 🙂