Health and Fitness,  Mental Health,  Personal Musings

Being Bipolar: Depression triggered by a toxic workplace?

After the surprisingly strong typhoon Quina, who hit Signal #3 here in our province of Batangas. It also gave me a reason not to “show up” at work for a couple of days (we also lost electricity FYI)

I guess I’ll begin my story with this quote.

A toxic boss can wreak havoc on your mental health, and no job is worth paying that price

As you all know, I’m a working single-mom juggling multiple jobs to support myself, and the needs of my son Geof. Recently, I got hired for a potentially great company with good pay. Unfortunately, weeks after, I’ve been tormented with nightmares when I sleep, and dreadful torture when I’m at work during the day. I think this is also the reason why my depression was triggered. So yeah, manic phase over, depression phase on T_T

Now mind you, I have a high tolerance for pain and suffering. I suffered abandonment and trauma to somehow give me thick skin. But no skin is thick enough for this boss. He is terrifying. An absolute narcissist and gaslighter who’ll never admit to his fault. Try to act nice occasionally and make promises he really can’t keep. 

Imagine having a toxic relationship, but instead of a boyfriend, he’s your boss.


What makes a toxic boss?

A bad or “toxic” boss is one who you dread speaking with, the leader who makes you feel small or insignificant, the arrogant, irritable, or inflexible manager, or the boss who has the ability to instantly suck the life and enjoyment from employees by simply entering the room.


toxic manager can make a whole team feel angry, dejected, cautious and uninterested in the jobs they are doing. This all has a massive impact on productivity, team cohesion and the development of new ideas. A bad boss can have a serious impact on employee mental health. (


Dilemma: Should you stay or leave?

I won’t dig into many details as I am scared he might be reading my blog. So I won’t dare name him nor the company I am working for. The thing is, I also spent days thinking if I should stay because I need the salary, or leave because I need to save my sanity. As someone who’s already struggling with a mental disorder (Bipolar-1), I don’t need the additional load. Even someone who has a healthy brain might go crazy working with a manager like that.

The thing is, I also spent days thinking if I should stay because I need the salary, or leave because I need to save my sanity

You would probably ask me “If you knew he was toxic why work for him?“. Just like a bad relationship, the person in me “thought he would change“. 

If you dread going to work every day, if you feel physically or mentally unsafe at work, if you spend more time thinking about your boss than your work, if stress from work permeates the rest of your life, if your self-esteem has plummeted, it’s time to go. You must give yourself permission to make a career change — to let go of hope that things will get better and to overcome the fear of quitting. (Source:


Everything and everyone is replaceable

Just like how I’m easily replaceable in my company, I can also search for a new one, but it will take great effort on my part. So I’m praying to all the gods in the universes to guide me in the right direction. Sometimes you need to follow your gut. And right now my gut is saying to LEAVE. NOW. No one deserves to be treated badly, no matter how many $$$ they pay you. 

This is more like a letter to self than a blog. But I hope if anyone is reading my story, and you can relate. No one deserves any form of abuse. Choose YOURSELF first. Always. The rest will follow.





  • Arra J.

    Sorry to learn about your horrible experience Macho Momma. I hope you find a new job soon with the most caring and understanding boss! I know the right company is just waiting for you.

  • Rochelle+G.+Jimenez

    It is really a sad experience… I pray that God’s peace and comfort will always be with you. We know that it is difficult to find a job and with the pandemic it is even harder. But if having a job will cost your well-being, then even if it will be hard it is best to let it go… It is for our own good. For sure if we put our trust in the Lord, like He promised “He will never leave us and forsake us”. We can get through in life and He will give you your heart’s desire. The best is yet to come!

  • Momshie Vine

    Reading this blog of yours ma got me thinking about my sister. Yeah, she is very irritable when she went off after work and when we ask her about work too. Noong panahon na yun, my mom and I thought she was just being suplada and all towards her boss. And then it came to a point that she quit the job and we’re somehow nagtaka bakit umabot pa sa point na ganun eh malaki naman sinasahod nya dun. Reading this made me understand her. Thanks for this ma. ?
    I am happy for you and my sister that you quit the job and im so sorry for you and her being able to experience that kind of situation. Hugs and kisses ?

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