Personal Musings

Everybody Dies, so Why Bother?

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As I scroll down my social media timelines, I see my friends, colleagues, and acquaintances writing their year-end/decade-end essays. I wanted to go on a different path and convince myself I didn’t need to write one. Who gives a shit about reading mine anyway? LOL But here I am, doing the opposite.

First of all, I want to say how proud I am of YOU. Yes YOU, the one reading my post. Despite all of the hardships, turmoils, and challenges that came you’re way. It’s already a great accomplishment that you’re still hanging on, breathing.

2010-2019 A Bullet Summary

Next, I’ll share 10-year recap of what happened in my so-called life. I initially thought writing this would be over-sharing. I wanted to keep most things to myself, but there were times I get messages from YOU, people who read my blog. That you get inspiration, and a dash of will to live from my experiences.

  • 2010 – I gave birth to Geof, my macho kid. I was too young, too naive, too impulsive. I had ZERO knowledge on how to become a mom. But thanks to useful articles from mommy bloggers online (and much love to my family who helped me along the way, I learned how to breastfeed, use a cloth carrier, and how to function as a parent.

  • 2011 – It was Christmas Eve when I discovered my ex-husband was cheating on me with another woman abroad. He was working in Singapore
  • 2012 – I got a job in Singapore as IT Systems Analyst , because all that was going in my mind was to prevent having a “broken family”. I gained independence, and learned how to function on my own in those 6 months working there. I gained a lot of new friends too. 6 months was too much, and I have to decide whether to still try to fix our marriage, or go back to the Philippines to be with Geof. I picked the latter. I got a job in Chevron as an IT Business Analyst, and chose to stay with my son.
  • 2013-2015 – Career-wise, I was able  to score a 10-year visa to the US and got to work there for 3 months. Abandonment caused me great insecurity. I lacked self-worth, and got in an abusive, toxic relationship. Neglected myself, my family, lost my job, and even Geof. From broken pieces, I was shattered to dust. It’s a blessing to have met Ryan by the end of 2015. I knew I wasn’t a princess needing to be rescued, but he did. Not because he immediately told me he loved me, but he taught me to love myself first.
  • 2015-2018 – Years of climbing. All I had was my website and Youtube channel that got me earning enough money for me and my son. It’s a struggle being a single parent with a mental health disorder (bipolar-2) I am thankful for all the loyal readers and brand partners who stuck with me from thick and thin. Years of growing and self-discovery. I knew I wasn’t the type who’ll stick in a regular 9-5 office space. I needed my freedom

  • 2019 – Career-wise, I’ve been invited to several speaking engagements to teach what I know. Thanks to more than 20 years in the industry. And what do you know, Geof and I went back to Singapore for a vacation. The painful memory of the past was not erased by a better present. Rather a new chapter was written. Oh, I also have a “regular” job now besides being a content creator. I’m now a Content and Marketing Lead for an Australian Company. Whut?

Everybody Dies, so Why Bother?

Speaking of existential crisis, I’m getting old. Everyone is. My grandparents are 87 years old, Geof is almost in his teens. My mom, and titas are showing signs of aging. Everyone we love will die, sooner or later. Including ourselves. Why am I grieving for something that hasn’t happened yet?

We only have this life (maybe) to live and each moment is precious. Make the most of it and spend it where it counts. With people you love.

Real Talk

10 years ago I was broken and lost. From a failed marriage, an abusive relationship, and an identity crisis. Fast forward to now, at least I have 1 goal. To raise a good human.

Honestly I’m not as optimistic as I was when I was younger. I have a lot of fears, anxieties of what’s about to come this 2020. I just want to survive that’s all.

  • It’s okay if you do not have a goal set yet.
  • Don’t be pressured with everything you see on social media.
  • Stop comparing yourself with others.
  • Strive to be a better version of yourself one step at a time.

If you’re as cynical as I am. Don’t stress yourself (self talk ba ito?). Tulad nga ng kanta ng The Beatles:

Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be
Yeah, there will be an answer, let it be

We’re all going to die in the end anyway 🙂

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